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Apparently it’s really in there…

March 13, 2007

If you look carefully, you can see the following items that concurrently inhabit Cristina’s (now grapefruit sized) womb:

  1. The galaxy “Andromeda”.
  2. A utero-wave to rival Hawaii’s North Shore being deftly surfed by my genetically agile child.
  3. The Loch Ness monster
  4. Two turtledoves
  5. An accurate topographical map of Bishop’s pass, the popular trail destination for many a Sierra Nevada backpacker
  6. A thinly veiled plug for General Electric appliance company (logo: top left)
  7. The cycles of electrical energy currently being generated by my child to power the central computer from the 1999 blockbuster film “The Matrix” (He/she is generating 41 hz — what have you done for The Matrix lately?)

If you haven’t figured it out yet, we had our first ultrasound today. That’s right, not just any “sound” was good enough for us, we paid extra for the “ultra-sound”. It’s kind of like getting the Ultra car wash at the gas station. This means that in addition to the wash and wax, Cristina also had her wheels polished and her undercarriage powerwashed…

Okay, that was over the line. I apologize.

Anyway, we had an 11:45 appointment. As expected, we were called in at 1:45. Luckily this gave us ample time to watch The Lion King 2: Simba’s Pride just over 1.25 times. Oh Pumbaa and Timon, your hijinks never cease to bore me.

Dr. Brar (pronounced “Dr. Bar”, although in my mind more humorously pronounced “Dr. Bra”) was kind and efficient despite the contrary evidence of the waiting room.

She took some time to point out that what we had always loosely suspected was just a gas bubble, was actually a small child. This child was swimming around the womb like a little tadpole and had its heartrate up to 170 something beats per minute.

Enjoy it while you can little one – a few more months and you’ll be jammed in there tighter than a sumo wrestler in an airplane bathroom.

On a more serious note, we were pleased to hear that our child is generally healthy and developing well with no signs of any birth defects (besides having Cristina and I for parents, of course). We even learned a little bit about “nuchal skin fold” thickness. This is an indicator as to the presence or likelihood of any chromosomal disorder such as downs syndrome, etc. Learn More by clicking here.

By the way, we got shorted, and by extension, you devoted readers were also shorted. Why? No Heartbeat!

Of course, I don’t mean that the child has no heartbeat.. I mean that Dr. Bra forgot to hit the un-mute button on her I-ultrasound-pod so I don’t have any sounds to post here. What a rip-off. I was hoping to hear messages from the great beyond when I played the heart-beat backwards. Now we’ll never know what messages Socrates, Genghis Khan and Anna Nicole-Smith have been trying to convey across the chasm between the quick and the dead.

Thanks for nothing Dr. Bra.

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4 comments

  1. Has it been so long since we’ve seen eachother that you’re making wanton grammar errors as you report the progress of your little tadpole? What kind of parents do you expect to be if you teach this defenseless infant with its sponge-like mind to say things like “despite having Cristina and I for parents”. “Cristina and I” are clearing in the predicate of the sentence, which means it should rightfully be “Cristina and me.” You can thank me for calling attention to your English deficiencies in a few years when your little one is not turned away from Harvard on account of careless language errors like that.
    By the way, congratulations! You guys are going to make great parents and have a blast doing it! Enjoy sleeping while you still can.


  2. Has it been so long since we’ve seen eachother that you’re

    Despite the spell-check feature, you still managed to leave out the space in “eachother”. Interesting.

    making wanton grammar errors

    You likely meant to say here: “wantonly making grammatical errors” unless you were intending to describe the word grammar as being wanton. This, of course, would be an unjustifiably malicious accusation against the heretofore non-personified word.

    But really, the composition of your argument shouldn’t be the target here and so I will proceed to the content of your argument (lest I be found guilty of responding in poor “ad-hominem” style.

    You have committed the gravest (although, in my opinion, most popular) of grammarian errors. That is: Demanding formal grammatical structure and rule in an informal application. If all readers were like you, the treasure of language (i.e., it’s fluidity and evolutionary flexibility) would be cast aside as incorrect. Treasured authors such as Mark Twain would be banished from places like your beloved Harvard. In the words of James Russell Lowell, you would cast aside the rose asking only “What is it good for?” while you esteemed the triumphant cabbage.

    So thanks for stopping by 🙂 And I will pass the advice about sleep on to Cristina as clearly there will be no need for me to wake up for midnight feedings. I don’t expect my milk to ever “come in”


  3. We were all happy to hear of your expected arrival from Grandma. At least you and Robin were able to be pregnant together for a little bit! Hope the birth of Elodie didn’t scare you too bad but hey, what can you do about it now! I don’t know if you already have it but I suggest you get the “Pregnancy Journal”. It’s a day to day account of what’s going on with the baby and a journal for you to write in, fun to read a year or so later after the child is born and then compare when you have you next child.

    That’s so cool you’re using Grandma’s names (both you and Robin). She’s so tickled about that.

    Don’t forget to drink your water Cristina and Ryan, don’t forget to do as she says. You thought the visit of Aunt Flo was bad…

    Oh yeah Ryan, you crack me up.

    Thinking of you all here in Oregon. Well, not you here in Oregon but us up in Oregon.


  4. Ryan you should ask Blake about midnight feedings…yes you will be involved. It’s called the “hand off” You change the diaper while she gets ready for feeding. I know, it sucks being born in the 21st century when fathers help with raising the children!



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