The Hospital Tour

August 11, 2007

We just toured the Maternity ward of the Inland Valley Medical Center.

You could say that as hospitals go, this one is — to quote the movie Aladdin — something of a “Diamond in the rough.”

But if you said that, you would be lying.

In reality, Inland Valley Med. Ctr. is not a diamond, but rather sort of a roughshod patchwork of original buildings with random improvements/renovations here and there (you know, to help it qualify as a full service hospital and satisfy local zoning/population laws).

The hospital budget money has been responsibly allocated to important lifesaving medical tools and such. This is great.

Unfortunately, no budget money seems to have been allocated to less functional purposes such as replacing the wallpaper that looks (both in style and condition) to have been applied in the early eighties.

My point is, I learned one primary lesson at our hospital tour: Inland Valley is perfectly capable of meeting all but the most extreme of our medical needs, however, I don’t expect to be bumping into any nationally renowned neuro-surgeons whilst passing through the hospital lobby (which is roughly the size of my living room).

A couple of other items of interest (which shall be more concise than my first item)

  • According to the nurse, the little containers provided for Cristina to vomit into (if necessary) during labor are too small and we are welcome to grab the more voluminous trash can near the bed.
  • The notion that you can quickly assemble the baby’s brand new car seat outside the hospital front doors while your wife and baby are being discharged is simply tomfoolery.
  • The hospital offers no warranties, expressed or implied regarding the satisfactory behavior of the child and all babies are sold “as-is”. Defective babies may not be returned (not even for store credit)
  • Nurses have some sort of disdain for usage of the word: “the”. I’m not sure why this is. All I know is that all the nurses on the tour would say things like “When baby finally comes” or “If daddy is feeling light-headed” or “And mommy isn’t going to be happy about it”. Hey nurses! You don’t know me personally so let’s go ahead and throw the proper article into that sentence… “When the baby finally comes”

Otherwise it was a very informative and useful hospital tour,



  1. HA. It’s true about this little barf containers no matter what hospital you go to. I delivered both times at Palomar, which was really quite nice. But when those lovely (multiple) moments of upheave came – those retarded kidney bean shaped containers were totally useless. The trashcan really would’ve been a better option – too bad the nurse who gave my tour didn’t think to mention that little pearl of wisdom.

  2. I will have to keep this all in mind, of course if I am lucky I will be like my sister and not get sick at all.

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