Sariah? Or Beckham?

August 19, 2007

As of this morning we are considering changing Sariah’s name to David Beckham.

For those of you who don’t know the significance of the Beckham name, here’s a quick summary from Wikipedia:

David Beckham, is an English professional football (soccer) midfielder who is the captain of Major League Soccer’s Los Angeles Galaxy. He is also currently a member of the England national team.

He was chosen runner-up for FIFA World Player of the Year twice, and as recently as 2004 was the world’s highest-paid footballer. He was Google’s most searched of all sports topics in both 2003 and 2004.

There was even a movie a while ago starring Kiera Knightley called “Bend it like Beckham”, a reference to his uncanny ability to make an airborne soccer ball curve out and around the goalkeeper and then come back into the net.

Astute observers will see the point that I am beginning to make here:

Sariah can kick with a power matched only by world-class soccer players. This morning Cristina tried to lay on her side for a short time… BAM! So Cristina had to sit up. Unfortunately I think this may be teaching Sariah early on that violence is the answer to life’s problems.

Is Mommy leaning forward too far? It’s okay, just kick her and she’ll move.

Is Mommy squishing you by laying on her side? It’s okay, just kick her harder… yep she moved again.

What’s that you say, little Timmy won’t give you the Jell-O from his lunch? Just kick him, He’ll hand it over

Does the Sammy the Fish want you to pay up the money you owe him? It’s okay, just put his feet in a couple of concrete blocks and kick him over the edge of the boat.

So we can clearly see the kinds of destructive behaviors we can teach our kids even as they are in the womb. Luckily I was able to recognize this awful pattern before it developed in Sariah and inevitably led to her becoming a ruthless mobster. I better go now so I can explain this to Cristina. Because honestly there is nothing more embarrassing than  sitting down with all your old friends and talking about your kids…

“My little Timmy is an accountant.”

“Well Jake has become a dentist.”

“Oh how nice for your boys. Sariah is actually one of the most feared mob bosses in American History and recently had a record high month of 8 million laundered dollars. She’s really broken through the gender barrier in that industry. We’re very proud”



  1. Ryan…get a hobby…seriously, you have far too much time on your hands!

  2. Yeah, I tried.. but I suck at everything else. 🙂

  3. I have to say that I like this hobby. It doesn’t cost as much as say fishing, and he never has to leave the house.

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